I am a dork and I am utterly offended.

Thursday, 6 October 2011

A while ago I wrote this here article about the abhorrent concept of "geek chic. I mentioned club nights that until now I haven't had the misfortune to come across. Now i'm disappointed in the newest club in Lincoln... Tokyo. I love the place. Though I mostly frequent Sugarcubes, everybody's favourite rock dive, I have been going to Tokyo more and more.

I saw this on their Facebook page.

"GEEK GLASSES will be available on entry to get y'all in the mood!!"

"Geek glasses"... now how exactly are geek glasses any different to any other glasses? And "in the mood"? The mood for what exactly? I am, of course, expecting the "geek chic" theme to continue throughout the night. Tokyo's team have developed a new technology that without the Geek Glasses™ makes everything blurry*. As we all know very very well bad eyesight = intelligence. Entry will be £3.14 but free if you solve a variety of mathematical problems, £1 off if you fix the doorman's computer and £2 off if you submit a short essay detailing the research you went through to decide on Tokyo above the other clubs in Lincoln.

Now which genre of "geek" are we looking at? Will there be books to read around the club? Will each room have a different console? Will the drinks be served in receptacles from scientific experiments? I like to think the staff will be dressed as various film and game characters. I think Leeloo, Ezio and Mario should be doormen. Doormen have moustaches, right?

Are we counting down the days until "hipster night" or  "emo night"? Is it a new trend that club nights alienate certain groups in society? What music would you even associate with "geeks"? I'm not entirely ungeeky and in my circle of "geeky" friends there is certainly no trend in music taste. And anyway... are real "geeks" wouldn't be there anyway, surely? I love Monday nights at Tokyo but there's no chance I'll be there on that night.

It'll be full of slutty schoolgirls and too many fake glasses. It just sounds horrible and ungainly.

Dick move, Tokyo. I love your faces, but dick move.

*A source from Tokyo Lincoln denies a connection between this new technology and alcohol.

At least Professor X would know to arrive early for his train

Thursday, 22 September 2011

Is it just me or is this a little bit off? Currently at Lincoln train station they're performing some kind of maintenance work on the lifts. Which I discovered, when to my delight, I had to heave my heavy suitcase across the platform bridge. Now, I am not hugely bothered by this but my first thought (after "oh effort!") was 'How's a wheelchair meant to cross?'.

BOXED IN: Works going on at Lincoln Train Station.

I asked one of the men who stand around in high visibility jackets... because that means they're important (or something). And apparently if there's someone who needs disabled access to the far platforms then they need to re-platform the train. I see several problems with this. As there's no way of telling people before they arrive then I doubt they're going to miraculously think "ooh, maybe i'll arrive extra early today. And, as far as I know, I think it's possible for people in wheelchairs to be late too. I mean, I'm not sure, but someone, somewhere, in a wheelchair may have been late for something at sometime.

Anyway, in this situation the concept of "late" can be subjective. For example, the train I catch from Lincoln to go back to the West Midlands is always at the platform about half an hour before it is due to leave. Let's say someone in a wheelchair arrives for their train 10 minutes beforehand. This is perfectly acceptable. Will they take the train out of the station and bring it back in to platform 2 or 3 (the only ones when you don't need to cross the track) and can't they even do that what with other trains coming and going.

This re-platforming plan only works if the passenger arrives before the train. Lincoln is the end of the line for many trains, the only really notable places Grimsby and Skegness further east... they're not exactly the Paris or New York* of Lincolnshire. If they arrive even slightly late or perfectly on time, when their train is already there, then what's the answer? Can they just not travel?

There's definitely something not right about this whole situation. It seems like they've looked at the problem and thought "eh, we'll play it by ear".

*I'd go close to saying Newark was the New York of Lincolnshire because for some reason the similar sounding nature of them makes me giggle.

Violence and stupidity

Wednesday, 10 August 2011

It's hard to know whether I feel ashamed of my country right now or proud. I have never been patriotic... when patriotism seems to only show it's face during sporting events it seems like a weakened concept. However when patriotism comes down to simply liking of and willingness to to protect your home we British do flourish. Most Brits wouldn't dream of flying the flag... it's a thing that doesn't come to mind unlike in America. Though when so soon after the riots began the hashtag #riotcleanup appeared, I felt a surge of affection for my country.

00:38 9/8/2011: Camden Town, London
So beautifully British.

Can anybody link me to the original source of this photo?

Whilst only a minority were calling for the army, armed police and assorted violence to stop the violence a huge about of people were already on the streets beginning the cleanup, websites popped up, ready to publicise photographs of the offender and the general feeling in the country appears to be that of shock and outrage.

How dare people destroy their own country? Our governments of years passed have damaged it enough without 'yobs' hindering the attempted economic recovery.

There are no excuses for the riots right now. This is not a protest, protests have a message, and there is absolutely no moral authority for nicking flat screens. Labour MP for Blackley and Broughton, Graham Stringer put it brilliantly; "[the riots are] nothing to do with cuts, nothing to do with racist, it's entirely to do with criminality". These people are criminals, they are doing nothing good, nothing productive and it is not a protest.

And I truly wish that news agencies, MPs and irate members of the public would stop with all the keywords. They're blaming youths, bad parenting, frustration, chavs, society. There are so many factors that turn people into criminals and that's simply what they are. Not protesters, not neglected children, criminals.

Now onto another matter that has come out of these riots. It's not just violence that is rife, but also stupidity. Yesterday I became angry and tweeted this...

Last night many in Lincoln and Lincolnshire were tweeting about rumours of rioting in Lincoln. This is tiny, middle-class Lincoln. These tweets were speculation and guesswork. I was even told that there was "rumoured police confirmation". Now there's an oxymoron if I've ever seen one. It took me less than a minute to check the websites and twitter feeds of the local emergency services. Nothing. No press release, no statement.

Then this morning an offical statement was released.
"There were no public order incidents in Lincolnshire related to the on-going national disturbance issues last night."
- from a @lincspolice press statement.

If there's a time to trust the police this is it. Don't believe pathetic rumours. This willingness to believe unfounded rumours seems almost as if you would want the ritos to come here 'for the excitement'. No thank you. Rioters or rumourmongers... you do not deserve respect.

Tuesday, 9 August 2011

Counted over 20 police at the bus station alone. There is a truly tense atmosphere on the streets of Wolverhampton. Just witnessed in excess of 30 policemen leave Bilston St police station in group formation. Although there are a lot of rumours going around they are obviously expecting trouble. We heard that there was a group of 100+ moving into town from Whitmore Reans but we just don’t know. It’s so surreal leaving work and not knowing if the building will be there tomorrow. 
Police just swooped on a group of youths right in front of our bus! Have them pinned up against the shop and are searching them. I just want to get out of Wolves. It’s horrible!
- Sarah Aldridge (my Aunt who works at Wolvo Courts)

And the West Midlands police haven’t made a statement about Wolvo since last night which was to say that nothing is happening in Wolvo....

Oh how fantastically awfully I am...

Wednesday, 27 July 2011

I'm genuinely ashamed of my lack of writing this summer. I find that moving house (which i'm half way through doing), working (which I'm on holiday from at the moment) and drinking/reading/lounging about on a beach (which is the reason why I currently look like a pasty patchy lobster) don't fit together as a good enough excuse.

Other than drinking and moving I have little motivation for anything that really matters... losing weight, not being poor, writing etc. In fact, gimme two more months of this I'll be fat, broke and illiterate and that will just not do.

In spite of all of this anti-productivity I have managed to do some mildly course-relevant work, designing posters and such for my Aunt's play in October. I've also delightfully misused Quark Xpress to make a drinking game. I really need to actually get work experience so that I'm making layouts that aren't spoof birthday presents or card games. This is my one talent and the last two layouts I've created involved fake stories (Jamie and Hazel's diamond heist) for birthday presents. It's a shame that I can't help but create phoney layouts in a tabloid style. It looks more cutesy than professional. Damn my need of experience to get experience. I don't like that I know I'm good at layouts but have no substantial way of showing this.

Now that I've rambled incoherently, I'm gonna to pootle off and thing of things to write about that aren't simply "I can't think of things to write about".