I am a dork and I am utterly offended.

A while ago I wrote this here article about the abhorrent concept of "geek chic. I mentioned club nights that until now I haven't had the misfortune to come across. Now i'm disappointed in the newest club in Lincoln... Tokyo. I love the place. Though I mostly frequent Sugarcubes, everybody's favourite rock dive, I have been going to Tokyo more and more.

I saw this on their Facebook page.

"GEEK GLASSES will be available on entry to get y'all in the mood!!"

"Geek glasses"... now how exactly are geek glasses any different to any other glasses? And "in the mood"? The mood for what exactly? I am, of course, expecting the "geek chic" theme to continue throughout the night. Tokyo's team have developed a new technology that without the Geek Glasses™ makes everything blurry*. As we all know very very well bad eyesight = intelligence. Entry will be £3.14 but free if you solve a variety of mathematical problems, £1 off if you fix the doorman's computer and £2 off if you submit a short essay detailing the research you went through to decide on Tokyo above the other clubs in Lincoln.

Now which genre of "geek" are we looking at? Will there be books to read around the club? Will each room have a different console? Will the drinks be served in receptacles from scientific experiments? I like to think the staff will be dressed as various film and game characters. I think Leeloo, Ezio and Mario should be doormen. Doormen have moustaches, right?

Are we counting down the days until "hipster night" or  "emo night"? Is it a new trend that club nights alienate certain groups in society? What music would you even associate with "geeks"? I'm not entirely ungeeky and in my circle of "geeky" friends there is certainly no trend in music taste. And anyway... are real "geeks" wouldn't be there anyway, surely? I love Monday nights at Tokyo but there's no chance I'll be there on that night.

It'll be full of slutty schoolgirls and too many fake glasses. It just sounds horrible and ungainly.

Dick move, Tokyo. I love your faces, but dick move.

*A source from Tokyo Lincoln denies a connection between this new technology and alcohol.

At least Professor X would know to arrive early for his train

Is it just me or is this a little bit off? Currently at Lincoln train station they're performing some kind of maintenance work on the lifts. Which I discovered, when to my delight, I had to heave my heavy suitcase across the platform bridge. Now, I am not hugely bothered by this but my first thought (after "oh effort!") was 'How's a wheelchair meant to cross?'.

BOXED IN: Works going on at Lincoln Train Station.

I asked one of the men who stand around in high visibility jackets... because that means they're important (or something). And apparently if there's someone who needs disabled access to the far platforms then they need to re-platform the train. I see several problems with this. As there's no way of telling people before they arrive then I doubt they're going to miraculously think "ooh, maybe i'll arrive extra early today. And, as far as I know, I think it's possible for people in wheelchairs to be late too. I mean, I'm not sure, but someone, somewhere, in a wheelchair may have been late for something at sometime.

Anyway, in this situation the concept of "late" can be subjective. For example, the train I catch from Lincoln to go back to the West Midlands is always at the platform about half an hour before it is due to leave. Let's say someone in a wheelchair arrives for their train 10 minutes beforehand. This is perfectly acceptable. Will they take the train out of the station and bring it back in to platform 2 or 3 (the only ones when you don't need to cross the track) and can't they even do that what with other trains coming and going.

This re-platforming plan only works if the passenger arrives before the train. Lincoln is the end of the line for many trains, the only really notable places Grimsby and Skegness further east... they're not exactly the Paris or New York* of Lincolnshire. If they arrive even slightly late or perfectly on time, when their train is already there, then what's the answer? Can they just not travel?

There's definitely something not right about this whole situation. It seems like they've looked at the problem and thought "eh, we'll play it by ear".

*I'd go close to saying Newark was the New York of Lincolnshire because for some reason the similar sounding nature of them makes me giggle.

Violence and stupidity

It's hard to know whether I feel ashamed of my country right now or proud. I have never been patriotic... when patriotism seems to only show it's face during sporting events it seems like a weakened concept. However when patriotism comes down to simply liking of and willingness to to protect your home we British do flourish. Most Brits wouldn't dream of flying the flag... it's a thing that doesn't come to mind unlike in America. Though when so soon after the riots began the hashtag #riotcleanup appeared, I felt a surge of affection for my country.

So beautifully British.

Can anybody link me to the original source of this photo?

Whilst only a minority were calling for the army, armed police and assorted violence to stop the violence a huge about of people were already on the streets beginning the cleanup, websites popped up, ready to publicise photographs of the offender and the general feeling in the country appears to be that of shock and outrage.

How dare people destroy their own country? Our governments of years passed have damaged it enough without 'yobs' hindering the attempted economic recovery.

There are no excuses for the riots right now. This is not a protest, protests have a message, and there is absolutely no moral authority for nicking flat screens. Labour MP for Blackley and Broughton, Graham Stringer put it brilliantly; "[the riots are] nothing to do with cuts, nothing to do with racist, it's entirely to do with criminality". These people are criminals, they are doing nothing good, nothing productive and it is not a protest.

And I truly wish that news agencies, MPs and irate members of the public would stop with all the keywords. They're blaming youths, bad parenting, frustration, chavs, society. There are so many factors that turn people into criminals and that's simply what they are. Not protesters, not neglected children, criminals.

Now onto another matter that has come out of these riots. It's not just violence that is rife, but also stupidity. Yesterday I became angry and tweeted this...

Last night many in Lincoln and Lincolnshire were tweeting about rumours of rioting in Lincoln. This is tiny, middle-class Lincoln. These tweets were speculation and guesswork. I was even told that there was "rumoured police confirmation". Now there's an oxymoron if I've ever seen one. It took me less than a minute to check the websites and twitter feeds of the local emergency services. Nothing. No press release, no statement.

Then this morning an offical statement was released.

"There were no public order incidents in Lincolnshire related to the on-going national disturbance issues last night."

- from a @lincspolice press statement.

If there's a time to trust the police this is it. Don't believe pathetic rumours. This willingness to believe unfounded rumours seems almost as if you would want the ritos to come here 'for the excitement'. No thank you. Rioters or rumourmongers... you do not deserve respect.

Counted over 20 police at the bus station alone. There is a truly tense atmosphere on the streets of Wolverhampton. Just witnessed in excess of 30 policemen leave Bilston St police station in group formation. Although there are a lot of rumours going around they are obviously expecting trouble. We heard that there was a group of 100+ moving into town from Whitmore Reans but we just don’t know. It’s so surreal leaving work and not knowing if the building will be there tomorrow. 

Police just swooped on a group of youths right in front of our bus! Have them pinned up against the shop and are searching them. I just want to get out of Wolves. It’s horrible!

- Sarah Aldridge (my Aunt who works at Wolvo Courts)

And the West Midlands police haven’t made a statement about Wolvo since last night which was to say that nothing is happening in Wolvo....

Oh how fantastically awfully I am...

I'm genuinely ashamed of my lack of writing this summer. I find that moving house (which i'm half way through doing), working (which I'm on holiday from at the moment) and drinking/reading/lounging about on a beach (which is the reason why I currently look like a pasty patchy lobster) don't fit together as a good enough excuse.

Other than drinking and moving I have little motivation for anything that really matters... losing weight, not being poor, writing etc. In fact, gimme two more months of this I'll be fat, broke and illiterate and that will just not do.

In spite of all of this anti-productivity I have managed to do some mildly course-relevant work, designing posters and such for my Aunt's play in October. I've also delightfully misused Quark Xpress to make a drinking game. I really need to actually get work experience so that I'm making layouts that aren't spoof birthday presents or card games. This is my one talent and the last two layouts I've created involved fake stories (Jamie and Hazel's diamond heist) for birthday presents. It's a shame that I can't help but create phoney layouts in a tabloid style. It looks more cutesy than professional. Damn my need of experience to get experience. I don't like that I know I'm good at layouts but have no substantial way of showing this.

Now that I've rambled incoherently, I'm gonna to pootle off and thing of things to write about that aren't simply "I can't think of things to write about".

Bicycle... bicycle... bicycle!

It would just be LOVELY if someone could buy me this. Seriously... someone give me £169. 

I bought my current bike second-hand last year and not long after I got it I came off it. Only a couple of months after I bought it and apparently I buckled the back wheel. As well as that, the brakes and the gears like making horrible noises, it just doesn't feel safe. I'm on it every day... not any great distance but it's still in regular use.


I'm currently looking at more second-hand bikes... preferably folding ones (I have nowhere secure to keep it outside the new house) but I really want a new one. Then I know there's no problems or rust or anything. *sigh* And it'll be shiny.

It's fiction remember... fiction.

Sometimes I hate television writers. I like to think I am a relatively sane human being but too many times have I been brought to tears because of the lives of fictional characters. In the same way, if I watch an episode of Green Wing or Black Books, I'm instantly cheered up.

Part of me cried because of the plot of the last episode (OH THE PLOT! THE PLOT!), part of me cried simply because now I have to wait until September 19th to find out if one of the characters is alive or dead. This is fan torture! You bring us into the stories of these shows, we are hooked then in the last episode there's big reveals, shootings and declarations of love and suddenly we're left hanging.

This doesn't happen with films, you don't experience the "lives" of the characters in films like you do in an ongoing series. Books are the same. You get to know a character in a way that you can't in just two hours.

And this is what comes of my lack of human contact (apart from at work) at the moment. I watch a lot of television, eat too many crisps and cry into my duvet when someone fictional gets shot. Oh what summer fun I am having.

A handbaaaaaaaag?!

I don't understand fashion. Fashion, trends, whatever you wish to call it. It completely and utterly baffles me. Why is the female oriented media drenched in images of clothes, handbags and makeup? Do we care about nothing else? I'd like a magazine that talks about books, television, films, theatre, tattoos, piercings... These aren't just confined to alternative sub cultures, you know! I'd like articles about social media, technology, even bloody interior design. I'd like health stuff that isn't focused on articles that are a menagerie of "LOOSE WEIGHT YOU FAT SOD OR NO-ONE WILL LOVE YOU", "HOW TO GET THE MAN OF YOUR DREAMS", "WHY YOU DON'T NEED MEN" and "OMG LOOK AT WHAT THIS CELEBRITY DID AND THIS IS WHY IT SHOULD MATTER TO YOU/IT SHOULD OFFEND YOU/YOU SHOULD BE DISGUSTED BY THIS". EXCUSE... ahem, I mean excuse the caps but I feel most idiocy is best expressed in capslock. Ridicule and all that lark.

But that's magazines. Fashion confusion hits me from many different media. It's not just magazines but what people are actually willing to wear that infuriates me. At the moment the fashion seems to be a lot of horribly fake vintage clothing and a lot of beige. Why beige? And why chinos and slacks? On women!

Most annoyingly I keep seeing groups of young girls, teenagers, all wearing these odd identical outfits. The other week I saw three girls all wearing the same kind of nasty high-waisted, arse-showing denim shorts with the same style of floaty vintage-esque blouse. And it's not vintage jewellery if it's made out of gold painted plastic! It's not vintage if you got it from New Look, Next, Dorothy Perkins or fucking Primark. I have a vintage dress, it is actually vintage and I bought it from a vintage shop in Birmingham long before this current "craze". I'm not sure whether I want to wear it now. Or is actively not wearing something "fashionable" as bad as actually wearing it?

I understand why fashion happens. Otherwise people would have to have their own thoughts and where would we be with that!?

What I don't understand is why people pursue it endlessly even though in all likelihood they'll end up wearing the same as everyone else. Obviously I don't expect everyone to have their own individual style but I don't understand the obsession with needing to wear the same style as you're friends, celebrities and them-people-what-are-on-the-telly-box. And it seems that so many people wear whatever is in fashion regardless of whether it suits them or not.

There are two main fashion phenomena that I don't understand.

1. Playsuits. A hideous creation I have discovered since working in the warehouse of a fashion outlet. Why why why would you want to wear a garment associated with onesies and overalls that makes you look like you're wearing a table cloth in some kind of disgusting printed material you'd find upholstering your Grandma's dining room chairs? They are unflattering, hideous and if you bend over and I can see your pants then they're too damn short... I'm talking to you woman I saw on the street the other day.
2. Leggings as trousers. LEGGINGS ARE NOT TROUSERS. They are not designed as trousers, they are too thin to be trousers and they're a close relative of tights. I do not want to see that much of your arse, missus. We don't live in the land of photoshop so when struck with a legging-ed arse all I see is either a boney one or one that would need to book multiple seats on an airplane. And I never, ever, have any desire to see the outline of anyone's pants. Tops should go with skirts, shorts or trousers. "Dresses" should certainly cover arse and crotch. Arse and crotch, remember that Ladies. Relevant. Also Relevant.

I'm gonna end on a point about brands. Handbags seem the worst... extortionate prices for a label. What's so special about a £100 hangbag that has a little word on it as opposed to a £20 that doesn't? Shoes are also a big one, though with my love of Vans, Etnies and Converse, I am also guilty of this. However, I also buy shoes like this because, damn and blast it, they are comfortable. You wouldn't catch me dead in a pair of Jimmy Choos*.

Now, there's clearly a difference between Primark clothes and FatFace clothes. FatFace clothes will last you an eternity and cost you an arm and a leg whereas Primark will cost you pittance but last you an evening. For all those crappy t-shirts you bought in Primark you could have bought a similar one that would last. That's where brands are good, you get the quality but there's got to be a limit on when it goes from will-weather-the-storm to will-show-everyone-what-you-can-afford-and-still-falls-apart. I'm looking at you, Macbook.

Alas. Maybe I will never understand. Maybe I'll become one of them. Or maybe the next time I see someone in jeggings I'll punch them in the face.


*I had to Google that to learn the spelling. I'm not sure what that says about me.

A/N: If you understand the reference in the title, you get points.

“The electric things have their life too.”

Today I discovered this website. The sculptures are absolutely beautiful. All I can think of is how it reminds me of Philip K. Dick's novel, Do Androids Dream Of Electric Sheep? Now I love Bladerunner, which is based on Dick's novel, but it doesn't really live up to the book for me. I've call for a proper film or series of the book but sod's law says it'll be appalling.

by Jamie Salmon, sculptor.

Sigh.

I can dream of a good adaption, can't I? The other day I dreamt about Socialists with superpowers. I can dream it, but that doesn't mean I want it to come true.

Charity begins at home.

I've ever really understood that phrase. Is it trying to persuade you to give to charity because some day it could help your home? Or is it there to be used as an excuse to keep otherwise charitable donations to yourself? Hm. I don't know. It's an odd phrase which I hear to often and yet am still baffled by. Phrases that I don't understand should be banned.

The point that i'm meandering slowly towards is that I love charity shops. As I'm not one for following trends (I'm currently brewing a blog on this matter ready to be written when I can be arsed) and never really in the money I've always enjoyed perusing charity shops for some nice unique little bargains. It's not as if I get all of my clothes from charity shops but I do have a handful of stuff from them.

Today I bought a really pretty top, a red shirt and a polar bear. I've gained new things (most excitingly the polar bear) at a low price and that goes to charity.

I'm not quite sure what my point it. Basically... I like charity shops, there's no reason to stick you nose up at them because the stuff's second-hand. I hear this too much. Do you really know what happened to your stuff on the way to the shelves anyway? It's a great way to get good quality stuff at a crazy-cheap price.

And I bought a really cute cuddly polar bear.

I'll finish with a free opinion on charity in general.... I'm not for all this monthly giving to charities, I always worried where the money actually goes with those Big charities and I hate being stopped on the street by people. I'm not sure how longer I can get away with saying that I'm 17. I already give to charity and I'm clearly a poor student. Don't bother me with your antics.

OHNOES I HAVEN'T REVISED FOR MY EXAM TOMORROW!

Oh wait... we're not meant to?!

Experimental silliness as always from the School of Journalism and we've been given a strange new exam format for our one lonely exam this year. It requires no revision more than a good read of the pre-release as it's focused on our knowledge, research and critique of two news stories in the papers on the day of the exam.

I think I like the idea however I can see myself cursing it tomorrow in the 6ish hour sprint to the finish. Yes we don't have any revision but we still need to cram in a lot of prep and research into one day.

However after this hour and a half of scribbling myself and my writing knob on my middle finger will be free to enjoy the Summer. It's mid-May and I'll be finished! Cue assorted dancing gifs...

Yeah... I do GIFs now.

Less than 24 hours until second year is over. Good lord.

No referendum for me.

Fuck you, Lincoln City Council, fuck you.


Because you seemed to lose my change of address application I now can't vote today. I'm one of the only people I know who actually cares about my vote and now I'm not fucking allowed to use it.


Clearly fucking bureaucracy matters more than democracy.

EDIT: One afternoon, two polling stations, countless phonecalls to the council and a visit to my old flat. AND I FINALLY GOT TO VOTE. :D

HURRAH

I seem to spend a lot of my time worrying about money. And as my current job gets me only 5 hours of work per week I'm constantly job hunting. Finally after months of looking I've just got a job working in the stockroom at Next. It's only temporary but it's perfect for the summer.

When I first arrived I immediately thought I had no chance. On the phone I was told to wear comfy clothes as there would be a practical side to the interview. In my mind with was jeans, a plain tee and trainers and I made sure my hair was neat. However everyone else had arrived in normal interview gear, shirts and smart trousers.

But hey, clearly a cheery disposition and the ability to put cubey things on clothes hangers gets me a job.

So happy that I'm supping a celebratory milkshake.

What are you trying to do to me, Macbook?!

So my beloved Macbook went on a massive go-slow. A rare occurrence but non-the-less I restarted. Half way through the restart it crashed... then it somehow crashed during the crash. Then it booted fine, quietly apoligised for Mac OSX crashing and continued to go about business as usual.

Whut?!

Half way through all this nonsense I got this screen...



Which is apparently like a windows blue screen of death. According to Wikipedia. Also people who've been asking around on forums about this a) were doing something unusual (using new hardware/software) and b) couldn't revive it.

Mine's now fine after a reboot. Plus all it was running when it happened was Chrome, Photoshop and Word. Just the usual.

I'm SO confused.

My Macbook is undead? Should I be worried that my awfully expensive laptop just seemed to have a near-death experiance?

Redtops and jesus socks

I'm currently writing an essay critiquing health and crime reporting and this ended up in my trawling tabloid websites for examples of irresponsible journalism.

It was highly useful when the Express whacked me
in the face with this frankly ridiculous headline.

However I've now had to take a break from my essay and get back to packing for my Easter week at home (hurrah for my little village being away from all this awful killer smog) because it was chipping away slowly but steadily at my belief that there's good and intelligent life in the world. Urgh.

The other day I happened to bump into an old "friend" from high school who asked me how I was getting on. After replying with "busy, journalism degree, lincoln, blah blah blah small talk" her friend said something that saddened and irritated me.

"When you finish your course do you want to work for The Sun?*"

Not, "a newspaper" but specifically The Sun. Yes, I get that people enjoy that redtop trash but it's not really something to aspire to, is it? I guess people must want to write for the redtops but surely people can see that the quality press is refered to as the quality press for a reason. The writing quality is better, everything is better.

There's a chance that I'm being a bit... er... "socially mobile" here but really. If I get stuck reporting on "celebrities" and socks with heavenly aspirations then my career has gone down entirely the wrong path.

*She seemed the type that if she'd have written it down she'd have used the wrong "your".

Thanks, Aunty Beeb, for that fleeting glance into the dystopian future of Britain.

Maybe I watch too many sci-fi films, maybe it's because I'm currently reading Do androids dream of electric Sheep? in which cities trudge on underneath a blanket of radioactive fallout, maybe I've just gone a bit odd out of boredom (I stare pointedly at the essay that is sitting ignored in another window). Either way, this tweet both chilled and excited me.

As a lover of futuristic fiction it excites me every time I see something that hints towards the future. Sometimes the robot, Akimo will pop up in a documentary or I'll learn of some crazy sounding new scientific experiment... then every now and then I see a Segway and yearn for the future where they're as cheap and commonplace as bicycles. Oh see how I yearn.

In spite of my love of dystopian fiction seeing a smog alert hashtag on twitter is still a little strange and disconcerting. Should I wear a mask out? Or a protective suit? Or maybe I won't go out at all, just stay inside with my hoverboard and self-lacing boots.

Is anyone really surprised at the £9000 fee hike?

Right now do I hate the Government more or The Inbetweeners for giving us so many ready made self-loathing headlines? "Second-rate education" "shithole"... fuck off, okay? Was anyone calling Lincoln this before the goddamn Inbetweeners? Lincoln is a gorgeous city, a tourist hotspot and the university isn't bad at all! We're not fantastic but for a relatively new university 72 in the league tables isn't too shabby.

All I know is I don't hate my university. What other option did they really have? It's not the university's fault that David Cameron wants to bugger our universities and strip the UK of quality education. The government are taking away all funding for universities... is it really any surprise that when they didn't have enough funding in the first place they'll opt to get all the money they can?

People have been complaining that the university announced they could afford £7500 fees yet still opted for the full £9000. I mean, wouldn't you? Would you be happy with your university unable to afford any improvements? I think my course is pretty good, yes we don't get a huge amount of contact time, and the computers are a bit dodgy but I know many people doing Biomedical Science at Lincoln, a course that seriously needs better funding. They have no lectures theatres meaning that 2 or 3 hours lectures that frequent their schedules have to be split up in hour sections where they're shoved into whichever lecture lecture theatres the media and humanities buildings can spare.

Why are people asking "Is the University of Lincoln even worth £9000"? How do you define what university education is actually worth? The dickhead politicians who are bringing in these higher fees got their degrees for free. At the time would they have happily paid £1000 for it? "No!" they cry in outrage, "Free education is a right! Why would I pay for something I could get for less?!"

Why would I pay £9000 for something I could get for £3000? You wouldn't! No-one would! Just like if you could earn £9000 instead of £7500 you bloody well would. Define worthiness for me. If this were as simple as how much the course is worth then £9000 wouldn't be such an infamous figure. It's all political. It's not the universities fault that they've been put between a rock and a hard place. The government took away their funding so they have to find it somewhere. Even with the government funding they didn't have enough so why not get as much as they can?

Stop blaming the universities. It's the government that's made this happen. And all of us foolish Lib Dem supporters who didn't foresee Clegg's arselicking tendencies. Politicians are at fault here.... as fucking always.

I wrote an opinion piece for The Linc

Littering with leaflets? Leave me alone | The Linc

My current state of mind...

Damn you group work. Damn you.

Urgh. Urgh. And urgh.

I hate group work sometimes. Trying to wrangle a group of people into the same place (even a virtual place) at the same time is seemingly impossible. My group were due to have a Skype meeting at 8pm, due to my abysmal internet connection at home I came into the newsroom (yay 80 meg internet). However, this afternoon I felt ill and not wanting to skip this important meeting I made myself a packed tea (foil + sandwich) and soldiered on to the newsroom at about 4 so I wouldn't just go to bed.

6 hours later and though I've done some work (set up the website for print, edited/rewrote some articles) I've spent a lot of time just enjoying the internet connection and staring into space. Two people arrived on Skype, one of which was sat next to me in the newsroom. And we could do absolutely nothing. Wonderful.

What a waste of an evening when I could have been getting some shut eye and trying to ward of this cold.