OHAITHERE Apple Fangirlishness, you have returned. You may proceed with the blog.

September 1st, time for an Apple music event.




So once again my fangirl gland will pulsate excitedly whilst I stare at a computer screen. Well, this time I probably won't have the luxury of such a large screen. See, Apple has done something a little bit odd for today's announcement. Steve Jobs will be presenting the event from far away San Francisco and the whole saga will be broadcast live online for anyone to watch. Well, not quite everyone, this is Apple afterall.

You only have the priveledge of watching live from an Apple product and as my Macbook is 60 odd miles away in Lincoln I'm stuck with the tiny screen of my iPod.* Oh Apple, you really need to stop acting like an upmarket, overpriced members-only club. Even if that's what you are. And if that's what you are then I darn right want a few more wingback chairs in Apple store.
*Let's ignore the fact that pizza stopped me from watching it live at all. Damn cheesy goodness

Give me a drum roll please for the big announcements.

What to do when you have writer's block? What else?! Write about your dreaded writer's block.

Why do you do this to me internet? I thought you loved me? I thought we were friends. Though actually, you always do this to me, you did this so much last year that I spent more time staring into your abyss than doing anything practical. Y'know, exercise, housework… my degree. Those things. Those things that designate me as a useful human being as apposed to one who spends her days sat in bed, laptop on lap, biting her nails and wondering why her eyes are feeling funny when she’s been staring at a screen for the past god knows how many) hours.

I genuinely blame my first year's performance on two things… the internet and what happens after a hefty night in Cubes. I suppose the internet helped me a little bit. I would have never scraped together 2000ish words for that god damn theory essay if it wasn't for Wikipedia. Though I think I’d still call that pass a miracle. And of course Cubes never helps anything. Far too many mornings after have been spent in bed. And then the afternoons after the morning afters too. God, Cubes, I miss you. You and your “ways”.

Earlier this evening I was in a wonderful mood for writing. I had a few blog ideas, maybe I’d even write a bit of fiction. The kind that sits in my hard drive and rots... but it’s still creativity non-the-less. And then it got me! Grabbed me by my nostrils and dragged me headfirst into a huge steaming pile of... well, I don’t really know what. I think I somehow spent several hours looking at apps. I played about with Firefox, adding themes, installing extensions... before I returned quickly to Chrome. I tend to forget that no matter how cute that icon is, I still don’t like using the Firefox browser. So a few hours of faffing and all I got out of it is that my windows can now “snap” to either side like on Windows 7. Oh time well spent. *snark*

After all of this ridiculousness I realised that all my inspiration had flown straight out of my window. Note to self: buy muse-catching net. Suddenly all the ideas I have merged into what I’m writing now.

“Oh I know! I’ll write a blog about my inability to write,” said I.

Good lord, I fail at life sometimes. This is meant to be what I’m good at and yet i’ve spent the last few hours lapsed in a zombie-like state looking through random webpages. FML. Or even, “Fuck my wasted evening.”

I think it’s time to get up from the snug surroundings of my duvet and pop to the shop for some fresh air. Maybe I’ll buy cake. Or a can of pop. Either way I’ll return, feel revitalised and write something... something proper.

Or maybe I’ll stay slumped here like a moron.

Or go to sleep.

Someone slap me?

A sports shop is not my natural habitat

In fact, I was expecting someone to punch me in the face for wearing a band tee. Thankfully I wasn't wearing eyeliner as to attract more attention from "The Healthies". I think my crossword, odd-laced Converses weren't doing much for blending in either.

I remember a time in my childhood (before I had access to broadband and a laptop... hmmm) where I partook in sports-related activities on a regular basis. I swam twice a week, my mother and I cycled on a regular basis, I played netball and hockey at school and rounders was a regular occurrence at Brownies and Guides in the summer. Adding into that my inline skates, my rather nifty foldable scooter and playing football with my friends in the middle of the road, running out of the way of passing cars, I was a rather active child.

*looks down at belly* Oh, what happened?

Okay, I'll give myself SOME credit. I'm not skinny but I'm not exactly a heifer either. That hasn't stopped me cycling more recently. Or stopped me contemplating sacrificing £10 a month for a gym membership.

I wish being fit and healthy wasn't so difficult. I don't want to run a marathon or lose a couple of stone... I just wanna feel like I'm healthy. It shouldn't be hard to be average. but gym membership costs, healthy food costs (both money and time!) and so does even simple things like running shoes, a bike or a sports bra to keep the ladies in.

Okay, so I'll force myself to make the effort.

But I won't like it.

Ranternet

AARGH! AB Internet, please go crawl into a hole and never surface in the civilized world again. I hope you go bust, bankrupt and I hope you get god damn herpes. And I hope the ISP you use in your office, in your home and anywhere you want to check your blasted email is as dreadful as the service you "provide".

I haven't had working internet in my flat for weeks. I pay rent which is meant to include "highspeed wireless broadband". Actually I've had to check my emails on my expensive and poor mobile internet on my phone. I'm currently grabbing the chance to catch up on a few weeks of my friends' lives, various blogs and general social media in the library. Because of you, AB Internet, you worthless piece of luh-suh, you inbred, technology illiterate, lazy, only-working-9-til-5-monday-to-friday, pathetic heap of elephant dung, I am sat in the library trying to remember that I actually live in the digital age next to a horribly creepy individual, reading fanfiction, shuffling in his chair and making odd squeaky noises. I hate you AB Internet. I hate you and your lousy service and technicians with "AB Internet" t-shirts that probably cost more that the routers you use.

Now I'm grumpy. So I'm gonna buy an ice lolly and go to my boyfriend's house. Pip pip internet. Maybe I'll see you soon.

Switch it off!

Here's one of my pet peeves. Well, maybe it's not a pet peeve, more likely i've got some strangely specific mental disorder.

Basically I get annoyed at attention-seeking televisions. When I'm round someone's flat or house I'm endlessly irritated and distracted if there's a tv babbling on in the corner. We're not really watching it, it's just some 3rd rate "50 best/worse whatever" drivel or something offensive like Deal or No Deal or ITV News. But I can't listen to the conversation. I can't focus. My eyes are drawn unwillingly towards the television and I find myself watching whatever god-awful programme is on. It's like I've been forced to sit down an stare at the television. I can't help it, I get drawn to the television and find myself becoming completely controlled by awful games shows and pointless soaps. I try to tear my eyes away but I can't. I just get more and more irratable and frankly bored out of my mind.

But does this happened with television I like? No. And I don't know why. Put trusty old Dave on in the background, or my friend News 24 and I'm as happy as larry and can actually join a conversation like a normal human being. I've even in the past, when finding it difficult to get to sleep, popped on Mock the Week and drifted of the the wonderful Irish tones of Dara O'Briain.

Damn you television. Implanted in my mind the way your are is such a bother and inconvenience.