It's fiction remember... fiction.

Wednesday, 15 June 2011

Sometimes I hate television writers. I like to think I am a relatively sane human being but too many times have I been brought to tears because of the lives of fictional characters. In the same way, if I watch an episode of Green Wing or Black Books, I'm instantly cheered up.

Part of me cried because of the plot of the last episode (OH THE PLOT! THE PLOT!), part of me cried simply because now I have to wait until September 19th to find out if one of the characters is alive or dead. This is fan torture! You bring us into the stories of these shows, we are hooked then in the last episode there's big reveals, shootings and declarations of love and suddenly we're left hanging.

This doesn't happen with films, you don't experience the "lives" of the characters in films like you do in an ongoing series. Books are the same. You get to know a character in a way that you can't in just two hours.

And this is what comes of my lack of human contact (apart from at work) at the moment. I watch a lot of television, eat too many crisps and cry into my duvet when someone fictional gets shot. Oh what summer fun I am having.

A handbaaaaaaaag?!

Monday, 13 June 2011

I don't understand fashion. Fashion, trends, whatever you wish to call it. It completely and utterly baffles me. Why is the female oriented media drenched in images of clothes, handbags and makeup? Do we care about nothing else? I'd like a magazine that talks about books, television, films, theatre, tattoos, piercings... These aren't just confined to alternative sub cultures, you know! I'd like articles about social media, technology, even bloody interior design. I'd like health stuff that isn't focused on articles that are a menagerie of "LOOSE WEIGHT YOU FAT SOD OR NO-ONE WILL LOVE YOU", "HOW TO GET THE MAN OF YOUR DREAMS", "WHY YOU DON'T NEED MEN" and "OMG LOOK AT WHAT THIS CELEBRITY DID AND THIS IS WHY IT SHOULD MATTER TO YOU/IT SHOULD OFFEND YOU/YOU SHOULD BE DISGUSTED BY THIS". EXCUSE... ahem, I mean excuse the caps but I feel most idiocy is best expressed in capslock. Ridicule and all that lark.

But that's magazines. Fashion confusion hits me from many different media. It's not just magazines but what people are actually willing to wear that infuriates me. At the moment the fashion seems to be a lot of horribly fake vintage clothing and a lot of beige. Why beige? And why chinos and slacks? On women!

Most annoyingly I keep seeing groups of young girls, teenagers, all wearing these odd identical outfits. The other week I saw three girls all wearing the same kind of nasty high-waisted, arse-showing denim shorts with the same style of floaty vintage-esque blouse. And it's not vintage jewellery if it's made out of gold painted plastic! It's not vintage if you got it from New Look, Next, Dorothy Perkins or fucking Primark. I have a vintage dress, it is actually vintage and I bought it from a vintage shop in Birmingham long before this current "craze". I'm not sure whether I want to wear it now. Or is actively not wearing something "fashionable" as bad as actually wearing it?

I understand why fashion happens. Otherwise people would have to have their own thoughts and where would we be with that!?

What I don't understand is why people pursue it endlessly even though in all likelihood they'll end up wearing the same as everyone else. Obviously I don't expect everyone to have their own individual style but I don't understand the obsession with needing to wear the same style as you're friends, celebrities and them-people-what-are-on-the-telly-box. And it seems that so many people wear whatever is in fashion regardless of whether it suits them or not.

There are two main fashion phenomena that I don't understand.
  1. Playsuits. A hideous creation I have discovered since working in the warehouse of a fashion outlet. Why why why would you want to wear a garment associated with onesies and overalls that makes you look like you're wearing a table cloth in some kind of disgusting printed material you'd find upholstering your Grandma's dining room chairs? They are unflattering, hideous and if you bend over and I can see your pants then they're too damn short... I'm talking to you woman I saw on the street the other day.
  2. Leggings as trousers. LEGGINGS ARE NOT TROUSERS. They are not designed as trousers, they are too thin to be trousers and they're a close relative of tights. I do not want to see that much of your arse, missus. We don't live in the land of photoshop so when struck with a legging-ed arse all I see is either a boney one or one that would need to book multiple seats on an airplane. And I never, ever, have any desire to see the outline of anyone's pants. Tops should go with skirts, shorts or trousers. "Dresses" should certainly cover arse and crotch. Arse and crotch, remember that Ladies. Relevant. Also Relevant.

I'm gonna end on a point about brands. Handbags seem the worst... extortionate prices for a label. What's so special about a £100 hangbag that has a little word on it as opposed to a £20 that doesn't? Shoes are also a big one, though with my love of Vans, Etnies and Converse, I am also guilty of this. However, I also buy shoes like this because, damn and blast it, they are comfortable. You wouldn't catch me dead in a pair of Jimmy Choos*.

Now, there's clearly a difference between Primark clothes and FatFace clothes. FatFace clothes will last you an eternity and cost you an arm and a leg whereas Primark will cost you pittance but last you an evening. For all those crappy t-shirts you bought in Primark you could have bought a similar one that would last. That's where brands are good, you get the quality but there's got to be a limit on when it goes from will-weather-the-storm to will-show-everyone-what-you-can-afford-and-still-falls-apart. I'm looking at you, Macbook.

Alas. Maybe I will never understand. Maybe I'll become one of them. Or maybe the next time I see someone in jeggings I'll punch them in the face.

*I had to Google that to learn the spelling. I'm not sure what that says about me.

A/N: If you understand the reference in the title, you get points.

“The electric things have their life too.”

Sunday, 12 June 2011

Today I discovered this website. The sculptures are absolutely beautiful. All I can think of is how it reminds me of Philip K. Dick's novel, Do Androids Dream Of Electric Sheep? Now I love Bladerunner, which is based on Dick's novel, but it doesn't really live up to the book for me. I've call for a proper film or series of the book but sod's law says it'll be appalling.

by Jamie Salmon, sculptor.

I can dream of a good adaption, can't I? The other day I dreamt about Socialists with superpowers. I can dream it, but that doesn't mean I want it to come true.

Charity begins at home.

Wednesday, 1 June 2011

I've ever really understood that phrase. Is it trying to persuade you to give to charity because some day it could help your home? Or is it there to be used as an excuse to keep otherwise charitable donations to yourself? Hm. I don't know. It's an odd phrase which I hear to often and yet am still baffled by. Phrases that I don't understand should be banned.

The point that i'm meandering slowly towards is that I love charity shops. As I'm not one for following trends (I'm currently brewing a blog on this matter ready to be written when I can be arsed) and never really in the money I've always enjoyed perusing charity shops for some nice unique little bargains. It's not as if I get all of my clothes from charity shops but I do have a handful of stuff from them.

Today I bought a really pretty top, a red shirt and a polar bear. I've gained new things (most excitingly the polar bear) at a low price and that goes to charity.

I'm not quite sure what my point it. Basically... I like charity shops, there's no reason to stick you nose up at them because the stuff's second-hand. I hear this too much. Do you really know what happened to your stuff on the way to the shelves anyway? It's a great way to get good quality stuff at a crazy-cheap price.

And I bought a really cute cuddly polar bear.

I'll finish with a free opinion on charity in general.... I'm not for all this monthly giving to charities, I always worried where the money actually goes with those Big charities and I hate being stopped on the street by people. I'm not sure how longer I can get away with saying that I'm 17. I already give to charity and I'm clearly a poor student. Don't bother me with your antics.