Sunday, 11 July 2010

AARGH! AB Internet, please go crawl into a hole and never surface in the civilized world again. I hope you go bust, bankrupt and I hope you get god damn herpes. And I hope the ISP you use in your office, in your home and anywhere you want to check your blasted email is as dreadful as the service you "provide".

I haven't had working internet in my flat for weeks. I pay rent which is meant to include "highspeed wireless broadband". Actually I've had to check my emails on my expensive and poor mobile internet on my phone. I'm currently grabbing the chance to catch up on a few weeks of my friends' lives, various blogs and general social media in the library. Because of you, AB Internet, you worthless piece of luh-suh, you inbred, technology illiterate, lazy, only-working-9-til-5-monday-to-friday, pathetic heap of elephant dung, I am sat in the library trying to remember that I actually live in the digital age next to a horribly creepy individual, reading fanfiction, shuffling in his chair and making odd squeaky noises. I hate you AB Internet. I hate you and your lousy service and technicians with "AB Internet" t-shirts that probably cost more that the routers you use.

Now I'm grumpy. So I'm gonna buy an ice lolly and go to my boyfriend's house. Pip pip internet. Maybe I'll see you soon.

Switch it off!

Friday, 2 July 2010

Here's one of my pet peeves. Well, maybe it's not a pet peeve, more likely i've got some strangely specific mental disorder.

Basically I get annoyed at attention-seeking televisions. When I'm round someone's flat or house I'm endlessly irritated and distracted if there's a tv babbling on in the corner. We're not really watching it, it's just some 3rd rate "50 best/worse whatever" drivel or something offensive like Deal or No Deal or ITV News. But I can't listen to the conversation. I can't focus. My eyes are drawn unwillingly towards the television and I find myself watching whatever god-awful programme is on. It's like I've been forced to sit down an stare at the television. I can't help it, I get drawn to the television and find myself becoming completely controlled by awful games shows and pointless soaps. I try to tear my eyes away but I can't. I just get more and more irratable and frankly bored out of my mind.

But does this happened with television I like? No. And I don't know why. Put trusty old Dave on in the background, or my friend News 24 and I'm as happy as larry and can actually join a conversation like a normal human being. I've even in the past, when finding it difficult to get to sleep, popped on Mock the Week and drifted of the the wonderful Irish tones of Dara O'Briain.

Damn you television. Implanted in my mind the way your are is such a bother and inconvenience.