Killing (Simon Cowell) in the name of... (rock music)

And now you do what they Simon Cowell told ya!
And now you do what they Simon Cowell told ya!
And now you do what they Simon Cowell told ya!
…
FUCK YOU, I WON'T DO WHAT YOU SIMON COWELL TELLS ME!!

Right, I want to talk about (the complete awesomeness) that is the Rage Against The Machine for Christmas No. 1 campaign. *waves placard* Simon Cowell is getting buggered daily nightly and every so rightly, is he not? And no, we don’t intend to use lube.

The campaign is quite similar to last year’s Why is Alexandra Burke murdering such a classic when Jeff Buckley’s version pleases the ears of the Gods? Campaign but has managed to gain an extraordinary momentum. The annoyance at the X Factor’s monopoly over the charts has begun to irritate those in their right minds over the past few years and finally something’s been done about it.

Simon Cowell, man of high waistbands, mind-altering haircuts and an annoying amount of power in the music business, is flooding the market each year with dull populist music. We all know that very few “Pop Idols” make it big. Leona Lewis did because Cowell threw her across the pond with a wad of cash and Girls Aloud made it because Dads approved of their daughters dragging them to concerts where they could ogle to their heart’s content. And then there’s Will Young and Kelly Clarkson who are just genuinely talented. But who remembers Steve Brookstein or One True Voice? Even Gareth Gates disappeared somewhere into Jordan’s cleavage (though I think he escaped eventually in possession of a technicoloured dreamcoat). Most of the poor ignorant souls that fall from grace in the final rounds just flitter away to Tesco, rehab or the Never Mind The Buzzcocks line up.

And don’t get me started on how fixed the show is! (Oh look there, I started.) You struggle through various rounds of “Are you weird-looking?” and “Anyone got a sob story?” before you even get to humilate yourself infront of Lucifer himself… I’m sorry I meant to say Lucifer Simon Cowell Lucifer. Oops. Look there I did it again…

Anyways… back to the campaign. Wow, it’s doing well. It’s on all the news network, including radio and tv plus the Facebook group is growing at growing. Last time I heard it had 65,000 sales on top of Cowell’s twaddle and I think it really has a chance. A strange thing I’ve noted is how the campaign’s hashtag (#ratm4xmas) hasn’t appeared in the trending topics yet… I suspect some kind of evil Cowellish conspiracy. Speaking of Cowellish conspiracies… the Facebook group that started this craze has disappeared off the radar. The makers of the group are in talks with Facebook but even without the original group we’re effectively dodging Cowell’s attempts at slapping his penis in our faces.

So BOOYAH, Mr Cowell. We are fighting the man, it’s the start of the revolution and more than all of that… Killing In The Name is a TUNE. And yes, I do appear to have turned into an anti-capitalist hippy.

Now good friends, go forth to iTunes and Amazon and anywhere else and buy this song. Already nearly £40,000 has been raised for Shelter and that’s not including the donation that Rage intend to give from the revenue of the song sales. And don’t forget donate to Shelter.