Choo chooooo!

Sunday, 21 February 2010

I wish trains still went “choo choo” for three reasons: 1) I like the smell of steam engines, 2) the interior of aforementioned steam trains aren’t a sea of plastic and 3) my impression would not only be adorable but accurate too. There’s nothing interesting or onomatopoeic about an East Midlands Train. On the other hand, I doubt a steam train would have had a plug where I could have charged my Macbook. If you hadn't already realised, I am writing these here words from my plush seat on an East Midlands train as I speed through the countryside back to my beloved Lincoln.

choo chooooo

I swear I know the guy sat opposite. Thing is, I sat down without actually realising I might know him and therefore completely ignoring his presence. Several things go through my mind when I'm choosing a seat on a train. The main thing to avoid is creepy old people (i.e.. those looking to tell you their life story) and also families. Small children are disgusting creatures and alas, once I had chosen my seat a family sat down opposite. A small child is now writhing, half on the table half on his or her (all small children look the same to me) Mother's lap. Oh and also making loud and hideous banshee-like noises. Like babies tend to do. The choice of seat on a train is very important. Especially consider the strangers nearby. I generally aim for someone my age, otherwise I risk 'creepy old', 'dull middleage', or 'loud and youthful'. And the number one necessity: a proper table. Train tables (you know, those little ones that come out of the back of chairs) are really not designed for laptops.

Is he on my course? He could legitimately be a journo, afterall he was reading a copy of Private Eye as I sat down. Yeah, he must be on my course, he…

OMG THE DON'T STOP BELIEVIN' NUMBER'S GONNA BE ON SOON! *ahem* If you didn't notice by that outcry, I'm watching Glee. That's something that's necessary on the train… good television on one's laptop. Well, either that or Peggle. A throughly addictive game is also good. However, there is already the possibility of that horrifying moment when the battery icon goes red and my Macbook conks out.

If only the train itself held more entertainment. Why, oh why, does the view have to be so dull? It becomes somewhat tiresome when the most interesting landmark is yet another power station. You know what this train journey could do with? A few more castles, a mountain or two, maybe the occasional damsel in distress or a little jousting. Hm… perhaps I’m more looking for some kind of medieval reenactment rather than just a slightly more interesting view out of my grubby train window. Anyone know any good medieval hang outs? No? Hm.

Oh look, another power station.

I’m quite inclined to public transport to be honest. As my mother didn’t learn to drive until about two years ago, and even now I seldom get the luxury of a lift in her faithful little Kia Picanto, I have spent most of my life hopping on buses and staring listlessly out of train windows. Which is precisely what I’m spending nearly 4 hours of my day today doing. People really shouldn’t complain so much about public transport, it’s pretty cheap, good for the environment and generally on time (unless you happen to live in my village). Saying that however, if I had the opportunity to be chauffeured around the country in a petrol guzzling Jag, I really wouldn't turn it down.


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