Something went wrong...

Tuesday, 23 February 2010

We're working on getting this fixed as soon as we can. You may be able to try again.

What are you doing to me Facebook? I thought we loved each other. I told you time and time again how much you mean to me. Didn't you get the flowers I sent to you? All those love notes? Think of wonderful times we've spent together. I've devoted hours to you and and does this mean nothing? You’re breaking my heart, Facebook. I’m falling apart and my soul is shattering into a million tiny pieces. How could you do this to me? We can’t go on like this... I thought you loved me too.

“Oops!” ...really? “Oops!” I’m trying to update my status, not keep hold of a muffin (in my mind the only fair use of the word “oops” is if you’ve dropped someone’s muffin). Seriously, though... is it really that difficult?

Facebook was fine a few months ago but somehow she’s now failing miserably at existence. Well, maybe that’s a little exaggerated but I, like many others, have my soul attached wirelessly to Facebook 24/7 and struggle to get on with my life when I can’t inform all of my friends and family that I’m in bed/a lecture/a complicated relationship. And there’s always the infuriating moment when I realise that though I can’t post “Suzy Maggie Aldridge is eating a bagel” I can walk out of the room and my friends manage to post “Suzy Maggie Aldridge is having incestuous relations with a chair leg, a chicken and three bowls of green custard.” However, maybe it’s just me being insane and thinking that Facebook is plotting against me by allowing only frapists to update my status rather than it just being gentle coincidence.

Back onto the “failing miserably at existence”... what is actually with all the crashing at the moment? If it’s not that pretentious little floating error message then it doesn’t load all together. I’m sure I heard someone mention it being because pointless groups are overwhelming the servers. Although ironically something makes me think that I saw this on my News Feed in the form of some kind of group. If this is true then it’s Facebook’s fault in my opinion. In the past few months there’s surge in joining random groups for the soul reason that when one now joins a group it now appears on your News Feed.

Do you really think I would have become a fan of Do you know the muffin man? ...the muffin man? ...THE MUFFIN MAN!! if it hadn’t slapped me in the face with it’s tiny News Feed penis? No, no I would not have. Nor would I have become a fan of "Nerd?" We prefer the term "intellectual bad ass", Pretending to use the Force to open automatic doors and I hate it when you're with MC Hammer and he doesn't let you touch anything. And why are over 3 million people fans of Flipping the Pillow Over to Get to the Cold Side?!

There’s also something a little dark about all of these fanpages? Who knew the people of Facebook were so bitter?
  • hello, im a boy. i tell you i like you, then mess you around, yay.
  • hello, im a girl, i make I HATE BOY groups when i should be in the kitchen
  • Hello, im a female, il wont shut up moaning till i get what i want :)
  • Hello, I'm a boy and I tell you I like you, then I get back with my ex.
  • Hello, Im a boy, my xbox is my best friend and my pc is my sexlife. Yay :)
  • Hello, im a boy and unfortunetly i cant keep it in my pants :)
  • Hello, I'm a kitchen... Why is there no woman in here making a sandwich?
  • hello,im a boy and im playing COD , want sex? work around me
  • Hello, I'm a boy, I play COD all day whilst girls cook for me.
  • hi im a ginger, I dont care about COD or sexism, I just want to be accepted
  • Hi, I'm a duck. I don't care about sex or COD, I just want your bread.
And you know what saddens me most? Not the bitterness, not the blatent sexism, not the ridiculous assumption that everyone in the world is obsessed with COD (whether out of love or hate), not the sandwiches... but the awful awful awful grammar. Did you people not go to school?! And also... it’s a group?! How did you not notice that screaming typo?! You people... you make me sick. And Facebook? I’m ashamed of you.

Suzy Maggie Aldridge became a fan of I hate becoming fans of things.


Post a Comment